Be careful my dearest men and women...
It sounds as if a few of you may be under the influence of one of the infamous tatting demons. Known to possess otherwise relatively sane people of all ages. These demons causes victims to gluttonously hoard thread, small bags, little tins, long needles or eye-shaped shuttles.
When a tatting demon's influence has moved from relatively minor stages to full possession, victims can be found mumbling archaic phrases about picots and clunies and using a secret language of abbreviations that includes such frightening terms as NATA and SCMR. Persons adept in this demonic language often graduate from the spoken word to use of symbols like "-" and "+".
Eventually, the poor, previously "normal" person finds themselves sustained by high-sugar, high-fat foods like chocolate and lapses into hours of unconscious tatting. Occasionally they're eyes may be closed; frequently, they drop into a trance that is difficult to overcome.
It is thought, by many church theologians, that tatting demons enter the body through the eyes (since any lay-person can recognize the eye-shaped shuttle used by many of those who suffer) although they are not certain. Some sufferers remember hours of "clicking" from their childhood that seem to have predestined them to an inability to fight off the demons.
Sacred texts include patterns written in the above-mentioned languages and instructions for rituals like creating "looms" and accomplishing the "flip." Although the "flip" is often mentioned in underground, internet discussion groups, church officials are uncertain as to its meaning and believe it may be part of the initiation process for those who willingly open themselves to possession.
Those wishing to rescue friends and loved ones from the influence of these demons must be very careful. There are many of them and, though tatting is quite common in modern days, a literal legion of these demons swarm around each of their victims and can quickly split up to infest new men, women, girls and boys. Some success has been had by destroying shuttles, needles, thread and sacred texts, but, they are often quickly replaced with more expensive versions. It is more effective to simply lure the victim out of his or her lair with chocolate, coffee, cake or sometimes a margarita and help them interact with the rest of the world.
You will find that most ministers and priests are utterly unaware
of the demons and may confuse them with the crocheting demons or the
knitting demons. It is typically unhelpful to get a local minister or
priest involved - clergy familiar with this malady can be reached at:
firstname.lastname@example.org - however, some have suggest that they
too has been possessed and are utterly incapable of helping anyone
else escape the hold of these creatures.
May God have mercy on us all.
Rev. Tim TenClay
� 2003 Tim TenClay